When I turned 27, everything in my life changed for me. I literally woke up one morning and decided I needed to be better. I needed to take care of myself, and I was determined to get healthy. First thing I did was download the MyFitnessPal app to track my calorie intake and keep track of my weight loss. My weight had gotten so out of control for multiple reasons, one being that I just ate whatever the heck I wanted. But a big issue with trying to lose weight has to do with another autoimmune disease that I have, hypothyroidism. As I’ve mentioned before, I was over weight as a kid and doctors thought my diabetes was type 2 because of it. It turned out I had an undiagnosed hypothyroid for roughly two years. So, for my new journey, I had to make sure I was not only logging calories, but also taking my thyroid medication every single day.
The weight started to come off with no effort really, or at least it felt that way. My mind was so made up about taking care of myself that it just wasn’t a struggle to change my lifestyle. It probably helped tremendously that I had a group of friends and family who were so encouraging and motivating. But my main motivation was becoming a mom. My blood sugars needed to be perfect to be pregnant. If they weren’t it would lead to complications. I figured that the reason I wasn’t having luck getting pregnant had to do with my diabetes, thyroid problem and being over weight. So, by getting myself where I was supposed to be was the answer. Except I got healthy and was in the best shape of my life. I not only was eating well, but I started running. My HbA1c was at a 6.9%, which was the lowest it’s ever been. But I still wasn’t getting pregnant.
It probably was a relief to my mom that I wasn’t getting pregnant because she worried so much that something would happen to me if I did. I remember calling into work one day because I woke up one morning and got sick. I was so excited that this was it, I was pregnant! I thought I was having morning sickness because I literally never throw up. I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I later remembered I had taken a vitamin and didn’t eat anything with it; it upset my stomach. Every single negative pregnancy test would just make me break down. I had so many moments of being depressed and feeling sorry for myself. But I would quickly snap out of it and think about how truly blessed I was to have a beautiful life already. So I tried to accept the fact that getting pregnant wasn’t in the cards for us.
My family knew how much I wanted to be a mom. Since I was a little girl, dolls were always my favorite toy to carry around. I remember getting this doll for Christmas and I named him Carlos, after my dad, and I carried him everywhere. I literally thought people would think I was a mommy because I thought he looked so real. LOL … kids are so funny. I still have that doll around somewhere and he definitely doesn’t look real. I always imagined what my babies would look like, and thought that out of everyone in the family I would have twin girls and my kids would have blue eyes like my mom. Mind you, no one in our entire family had blue eyes except my mom. It was just so clear in my mind, I was so sure of it. My childhood dreams were just crashing down on me, it wasn’t going to happen.
But then there was a light and her name was Amy.